The day-by-day.

Im pretty sure. im almost certain…. the things that make me happy, that you’re not okay with – dont really affect you… that much. i do want to drink coffee and smoke a ton of cigarettes – that doesnt sound appealing to many. -DOES TO ME- quite frankly, i am a 20 year old… i [...]

Orange Juice / Amber colored energy

What i would do to relive that last night with you. laying in bed taking ativan as we please, in my not so sanitary UV purple lit room, on my bed, entangled. our lips exchanged soft secrets. we would take another pill and see how far the rabbit hole really went. We laughed at the [...]

1234….1234…1234

  I’m stuck in the abyss. Its similar to being in a time loop.  every day is exactly the same. I assure you, its no fun repeating the same routine over and over. I think ive told you this before… I cant remember how this got started…. but i can tell you exactly how it [...]

Field Log Day 2 – The Situation

Me and Allie at our High School homecoming game.

I would continue from Day 1, but it’s not important. The point of that story was that even though Adam and I have that kind of history, we still became really close friends. Breakups. They suck. Especially when I did it. I said don’t wait for me, I don’t expect you to wait. I remember [...]

the future

Today beigns, its just another headache and more pills to keep me settled. In the coming weeks, i have a huge amount of things coming my way, a move to Minneapolis, MN and my grandmother, who is in recovery of a major stroke is on her way to Arizona. Im looking forward to this move and… it will [...]

Field Log Day 1 – The Introductions

For all intents of identity, you may call me Ryan. Yes, that is my real first name, and I love it. I started this “record” if you will, because I feel like I have a vast knowledge that goes largely unappreciated by common folk. That be you, reader. I feel it only fair to warn you that some [...]

Experiment #3 – insanity and clarity

T+[2:00] it is now two hours since the first dose. the subject is still unreasonable. His mind is going at the speed of light and the seperate personality has fully developed. his main identity will be able to seep through with enough anti-psychotics, but is only a temporary fix. while he is not enjoying the [...]

Experiment #3

Another day has begun, and this means a new experiment for our latest test subject. T+[0:00] One dose administered to our lab rat. No immediate effect other than the anticipation of something big. T+[0:13] first physical symptoms noticed. Dilation of the pupils and a slight tingling in the upper body’s extremities. T+[0:33] Our subject has [...]

The Case

  I have to write. It’s been a while since I’ve done cognitive writing, serious writing. And I suppose I am overwhelmed and feel the need to mention. It started when I met someone randomly, thrown by fate, into a bar with my parents to have a burger and a few beers. I almost didn’t [...]

thoughts

(theoretically) there is really only one moment in existence. What appears to be different moments is actually the same moment, but from a different point of view. There is also only one thing in existence; all of it. It is just one thing experiencing itself as a multitude of things. Even physically, there is only [...]